You got

The Drip Machine Pragmatist.

You want good coffee without making it your personality. A quality drip machine with a timer means fresh coffee is ready when your alarm goes off. No rituals, no gram scales, no YouTube tutorials about pour techniques. You have calibrated your water-to-grounds ratio once, loaded the machine, and you get a reliable, drinkable cup every single morning without thinking about it. Coffee is fuel, not a hobby — and that is a perfectly valid relationship.